From the Future of Education Blog:
THE FOLLOWING IS A PARTIAL LIST OF ACTUAL WRITTEN EXCUSES GIVEN TO TEACHERS BY PARENTS OF STUDENTS:
1. Dear School: Please excuse John from being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.
2. Please excuse Dianne from being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.
3. Please excuse Johnnie for being absent. It was his father's fault.
4. Chris will not be in school because he has an acre in his side.
5. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken off his face.
6. Excuse Gloria. She has been under the doctor.
7. Lillie was absent from school yesterday because she had a going over.
8. My son is under the doctor's care and should not take physical education. Please execute him.
9. Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hit in the growing part.
10. My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent this weekend with the Marines.
11. Please excuse Joyce from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday she fell off a tree and misplaced her hip.
12. Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.
13. Maryann was absent Dec. 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache, and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low-grade fever. There must be the flu going around, her father even got hot last night.
14. Please excuse Blanche from jim today. She is administrating.
15. George was absent yesterday because he had a stomach.
16. Ralph was absent yesterday because he had a sore trout.
17. Please excuse Sara for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.
18. Please excuse Lupe. She is having problems with her ovals.
19. Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had diah(crossed out),diahoah(crossed out), dyah(crossed out) the shits.
A student comes to a young teacher's desk. She glances down the hall, closes his door, kneels pleadingly. "I would do anything to pass this exam."
She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, and gazes meaningfully into his eyes. "I mean..." she whispers, "...I would do... anything!!!"
He returns her gaze. "Anything?"
She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, and gazes meaningfully into his eyes. "I mean..." she whispers, "...I would do... anything!!!"
He returns her gaze. "Anything?"
"Yes...Anything!!!"
His voice turns to a whisper. "Would you...study?"
His voice turns to a whisper. "Would you...study?"
"Please, don't ask me to do that again."
1. Dear School: Please excuse John from being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.
2. Please excuse Dianne from being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.
3. Please excuse Johnnie for being absent. It was his father's fault.
4. Chris will not be in school because he has an acre in his side.
5. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken off his face.
6. Excuse Gloria. She has been under the doctor.
7. Lillie was absent from school yesterday because she had a going over.
8. My son is under the doctor's care and should not take physical education. Please execute him.
9. Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hit in the growing part.
10. My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent this weekend with the Marines.
11. Please excuse Joyce from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday she fell off a tree and misplaced her hip.
12. Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.
13. Maryann was absent Dec. 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache, and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low-grade fever. There must be the flu going around, her father even got hot last night.
14. Please excuse Blanche from jim today. She is administrating.
15. George was absent yesterday because he had a stomach.
16. Ralph was absent yesterday because he had a sore trout.
17. Please excuse Sara for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.
18. Please excuse Lupe. She is having problems with her ovals.
19. Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had diah(crossed out),diahoah(crossed out), dyah(crossed out) the shits.
YOU ARE A TEACHER IF...
1) You find humor is other people’s stupidity.
2) You want to slap the next person who says, "Must be nice to have all your holidays and summers free."
3) When out in public, you feel the urge to talk to strange children and correct their behavior.
4) Marking all A’s on the report card would make your life SO much simpler.
5) You think people should be required to get a government permit before being allowed to reproduce.
6) You wonder how some parents even managed to reproduce.
7) You really encourage an obnoxious (very offensive/objectionable) parent to check into home schooling.
8) You’ve never had your profession slammed by someone who would never dream of doing your job.
9) You can’t have children of your own, ‘cos there is no name you could give a child that wouldn’t bring on high blood pressure the moment you heard it.
10) Meeting a child’s parents instantly answers the question, "Why is this kid like this?"
2) You want to slap the next person who says, "Must be nice to have all your holidays and summers free."
3) When out in public, you feel the urge to talk to strange children and correct their behavior.
4) Marking all A’s on the report card would make your life SO much simpler.
5) You think people should be required to get a government permit before being allowed to reproduce.
6) You wonder how some parents even managed to reproduce.
7) You really encourage an obnoxious (very offensive/objectionable) parent to check into home schooling.
8) You’ve never had your profession slammed by someone who would never dream of doing your job.
9) You can’t have children of your own, ‘cos there is no name you could give a child that wouldn’t bring on high blood pressure the moment you heard it.
10) Meeting a child’s parents instantly answers the question, "Why is this kid like this?"
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